Seriously?

Fucking seriously?

Having a good day! Almost done with Winter Veil achievements which means I almost have a purple protodrake!! YAY!!!!

I'm feeling good.. and it's been a while since I've felt good, so it's really nice.

I'm still kinda shocked and confused..but not in a bad way. It all kinda seems like a dream still.. and I dunno when it will sink in.

Any way.. YAY GOOD DAYS!

Biggest mind fuck ever.

I suppose silence is as much of an answer as anything.

I thought I would feel worse about this.

Can't sleep of course.. yay..
Got some perspective after spending the day with my mom and sat here at 3 am writing a little letter to my dad telling him I love him and am thankful for him. It's not that I don't love my mom.. but she just disappoints me at times.

On a side note.. I am very glad I have a doctor with a sense of humor. Yesterday I emailed and asked if me bloating up so much was an ok thing or not.. because even when I hardly eat anything I end up looking like one of those starving kids from africa. His reply was something a long the lines of "Hmm no that's not ok, unless of course you are a starving kid from africa and haven't told us yet."

not even an hour here and she is already making me feel like crap for things I shouldn't feel bad for.

It really just doesn't go away.

It's weird cause I've kinda been thinking about it for a few days.

It's weird because some where I'll always kinda be waiting. It's like a little itch in the back of your throat that just won't go away. You can ignore it and do other things but it's still there and eventually your attention gets turned back to it. And this may as well go on for the rest of my life. At any point in time it may or may not happen. I don't know.. it's out of my control. I guess it's sorta like anything else in life but yet some how it seems more than that.

And even if I sit here and go over what might happen and what would I do if it did happen..
it doesn't change the fact that I'll still be here.. waiting.. wondering...and I'm not really sure if I am hoping or not any more.

I'm still sleeping a bit over the recommended amount of sleep a day but the coughing is way less and I am eating!

I'm sure I'll go back to home in a few days, home being my apt. Before you know it's gonna be Thanksgiving and my mom is gonna be here.

My grandma's caretaker person seems to have made it a personal mission to get our family back into communication or something and some how managed to get us to agree to go to Thanksgiving dinner at my grandparents house. This is gonna be one weird holiday. I know my mom will be there and probably ben and laura.. but then comes the weirdness..my dad is suppose to go..WEIRD.. I think she's inviting others too...my uncle and what not. Mostly I'm just excited about the food..ya know it's gonna be good.

Speaking of food I craving a salt bagel from Kettlemans.. those things are so damn good.

Back home..well back at my dads house for a bit. I'm seeing slight betterness.. not sleeping so much, or coughing as much. I'm sure I'll be fine in a week or two.

I now have oxygen.. but after wearing it 24/7 in the hospital for about a week I'm not up for it yet. The little nose things dry my nose out and drive me crazy.. my dad is gonna order me a mask and see if that's better for me.

In the hospital on halloween.. kinda sucks but oh well I guess it could be worse eh?

Ya know those people that you really care about but when you see them they just give you all kinds of emo feelings because of the things that have passed between you both?

Don't you hate when you go some where and they are there and no matter how much you try to pretend they aren't and just have a good time it seems like most the night they some how end up within your sights.

I'm not saying I had a bad time.. it was lots of fun. I just wish he didn't make me feel like this.

It's been a while I know.. I suck.

Let's see.. I went to the doctors, they were trying to stick me on a pill earlier this year but a respiratory therapist said she would be more comfortable saying ok if I got an IUD because I shouldn't get pregnant. Well that's obvious and my cardiologist knows I am an adult and can take care of that kinda stuff so he's trying to get me on the pill without me having to have birth control. The pains in my leg he said might not actually be related to high uric acids but to my body stealing bone marrow to make red blood cells, so I'm probably gonna start sleeping with oxygen. I never wanted to have to us oxygen but I guess since it's only at night I can deal with it, especially if it makes the pain go away.

I still haven't gotten my wisdom teeth taken out but I will probably try to get it done early November since there are things coming up I want to do.

Laura and I are all moved into our new place, not everything is set up and put away but a lot of it is. I'd like to get a bed frame for my bed since I gave Laura the loft bed, which is fine with me because I hate that thing. We also really need to go grocery shopping.. not much is healthy or filling from a vending machine.

Mc Chris is coming! I am super excited and will be going no matter what.

I haven't touched WoW in a while.. there isn't much to do on there any more. I'll probably go back and do the halloween world event stuff. I got Aion and haven't really played it since getting my computer back to life..I should but I've been kinda meh about video games.

My mom says she's coming for Thanksgiving.. we'll see. My grandma wants to do this big Thanksgiving dinner if she does.. -_-; I'm not really one for big family things.. unless I get to pick the "family".

Oh another awesome thing about our new place is it's always warm...right now there is no heater on any where in the place and yet I am in a tank top and could probably loose the pants too but people are here XD
YAY FOR HEAT IN THE WINTER!!

And just like that one person can my everything all better.
I am so thankful to be talking to him again.

I don't know what to say. I can't even begin to put into words how I feel.. and I don't even know if it would matter if I could.

It seems I keep finding myself sitting under blankets next to an open window just so I can feel the cool air.

I don't get it either.

At some point last night while sitting there laughing my ass off I realized, no one has ever made me laugh so much. It made me think something a long the lines of how I would love to laugh with him forever. And then of course reality set in.

I keep trying to make things better but they just seem to get worse.

So I made a guild cause I was tired of drama and bullshit.
The guild is named and our tabard is hot pink with a white muffin on it.
I really only thought it would be me, Laura and some peoples alts.. but now through amusing advertising we are actually getting people to join.

some of our ads are

is just a guild...what the hell do you want from us?

doesn't want your 80's...can we have an alt or bank?

wants you to join another guild. They have bank tabs, tabards and are raiding! So go join them now!

I'm highly amused by all of this.

Random things.. and I'm not sure how to feel about them.